narcissistic relationships
and divorce recovery
LOVE & marriage—online counseling can help
Concerns about relationships are one of the most common issues individuals bring to online therapy. All aspects of a relationship impact people from dating, to developing the relationship, adjusting to it, and maintaining it. About half of all marriages succeed.
However, sometimes relationships struggle through tensions or even betrayals. Partners in a relationship may find themselves doing damage control and working things out. You may be struggling with partners who display narcissistic tendencies which leads to feeling beaten down and discouraged. Other times, relationships or marriages end, whether by choice, divorce, or death. I invite you to read ahead if these topics apply to you. And should you feel additional support is needed, AROSE eTherapy offers online therapy in Colorado, Florida, Maryland, and Pennsylvania.
Transitioning into a new relationship
Have you just started a new relationship? For many this is an exciting time. For some the excitement may be what inspired you to start dating again. Sometimes people return to dating and relationship because they are ready, but in other cases it may be an (unhealthy) escape. It could be a distraction from the last partner or a way to stay focused on external events rather than internal struggles (see Codependency).
If that’s not you and you entered into the new relationship for all the right motivations—congrats! You’ve found the right partner at the right time, but maybe there is still a bit of frustration at time as you adjust to life with your new love.
When people come together in relationship, it’s important to remember that each partner brings with them their whole life history; this includes habits, styles of communicating, mindset, family traditions, and values to name a few. This can translate to differences in personal hygiene, money management, how occasions are celebrated, parenting styles, expressions of intimacy, ways of reacting, and so on. There can even be differences with fun experiences like travel (check out tips Dr. Rozycki and other experts offer in this tripsaavy.com article on negotiating vacation https://www.tripsavvy.com/how-to-prioritize-individual-activities-on-a-couples-trip-5218429). This can be quite a bit to navigate and process; having support through this transition can help.
affairs & betrayal
Sometimes people find themselves in a relationship that has them feeling perfectly content or at least in a comfortable routine and then seemingly out of nowhere, it comes to an end. It could be over because your partner walks out on you for another or just because they feel things are over. This often leaves people feeling blindsided, shocked, lost, and angry. This wasn’t your decision. This is not what you wanted. Yet, now you are forced to face this mess. Or you may have had an inkling something wasn’t right and come to learn your instincts were accurate; there has been infidelity whether by adultery, lies, or deceit. There may have been an outside relationship, a gambling problem, or a spending problem that you were not aware of. Learning this can be devastating and a path that is best handled with support. In online therapy you’ll find your confidence again. You may have been played as a pawn, but therapy will help you remember you’re a Queen.
struggling in relationship?
You wish others would pull their emotional and financial weight but fear speaking up, not wanting to upset them, lose them, or blurt out that you want a divorce. By the time the weekend comes, you lack the energy to enjoy it. You’re tired of fighting and feeling out of sync. You know things need to change since this is the 25th time you’ve watched Eat, Pray, Love wishing to swap with Julia Roberts and sail off into a peaceful sunset. If this resonates, then this may be a time for online therapy.
debating on whether it’s
time to leave?
Sometimes we get into relationships without really thinking things through. Many of us can operate on auto-pilot when we’re choosing partners; we’re perhaps drawn to partners for unconscious reasons and only with the passage of time do we begin to realize the reasons we connected to begin with were askew and differences are now too great to ignore.
You may be holding onto hope that things can still be reconciled. You reach for self-help books and leave Barnes & Nobles needing to restock their shelves. You seek out advice. There are a million conversations with your partner but no traction; no movement towards change. Yet now that you’ve had perhaps years with your partner, you’re pretty well intertwined with experiences, finances, family, friends, and living arrangements. Un-doing is no easy feat. It’s not what you want to do, or is it?
Whether to stay or go in a relationship can be such a difficult decision. For some it’s a major decision with many loaded thoughts connected to failure, disappointment, embarrassment, anger, and despair. The confusion and mental exhaustion alone can be overwhelming, never mind the emotional toll. Faced with such a major decision, it can be helpful to obtain an outside, objective view on things.
separation and divorce recovery
is available online
in colorado, florida, maryland, and pennsylvania
You’re newly single and wondering where to go next. Has Eat, Pray, Love been your guidebook? When your identity has been wrapped around a partner for a time and comes to an end, you may find yourself lost and on an emotional rollercoaster of grief, pain, loss, anger, and confusion sprinkled with moments of blasting empowerment anthems at full volume (Gloria Gaynor anyone?). Now that you aren’t your ex’s partner, who are you? Maybe relationships have been a disappointment, leaving you feeling unfulfilled. Are you wondering how come your career life is a success but your love life is so tough?
Online therapy can offer support as you navigate the healing process. This period of transition can be very emotional and exhausting so it is a good time to seek extra support. This is a time to take care of yourself as you heal. Make time to have a therapy session so that you have a space just for you to cry, process, and begin to take action steps towards healing and renewal.
Therapy can be one way that you practice self-care. It’s so important during this time to make self-care your priority. In online therapy we’ll discuss a plan for your healing from learning to make mental shifts, taking steps to manage your physical well-being, and utilizing your social supports as best you can. In time, you can even come to find you’ve come out stronger as you begin to take steps into your new life.
Narcissism in relationships
Narcissism has become a popular “buzzword” as people think about their relationships. Social media is flooded with information about narcissism and what to do if you believe you’re in a narcissistic relationship. Strategies are offered for navigating or leaving such relationships. Yet this term is more than a fad; it has been used in the psychological literature for over 100 years and dates back to Greek mythology. In psychology today, it is a diagnosis: Narcissistic Personality Disorder. This means it is a deep-rooted personality defect that negatively impacts the person who has the disorder and those who interact with that person. Thus, if someone is a narcissist, it is not only romantic relationships that are impacted but familial relationships, friendships, workplace relationships, and miscellaneous social interactions such as with acquaintances, neighbors, clerks, or waitstaff. This problem can lead to problems for the individual, but in a number of situations, unfortunately such individuals can rise to positions of power.
what are the symptoms of narcissism?
Grandiosity without the actual work or know-how
Fantasies of success, beauty, perfect love
Belief they are special and wants to associate with prestigious people or institutions
Need for constant admiration
Entitled, above the rules or laws
Exploits others for their own needs
Lacking empathy or emotional connection with others
Envies others or thinks others envy them
Arrogant behaviors and attitudes
ways to cope with narcissism in your life
First off, it can be easy to engage in armchair psychology and diagnose every a#@hole as a narcissist. They might be, but they might not be. I’d encourage leaving that to the professionals particularly given the disorder is relatively rare with the presence of narcissism in the US population ranging from 1-15%. Whether you’re dealing with an actual narcissist or just a jerk, one of the first things to accept is the fact that you can not only change them, but that they are unlike to change. It’s a rare day someone who believes they are the best and greatest would think they would even have a need to change. Do yourself a favor and let go of that fantasy.
Next, the key is self-protection. In the diagnostic criteria above you can see they will exploit; they are the “takers” of the world. Be smart, be tough, and hold your boundaries. Protect your time, heart, and assets. Limit interactions. Refrain from sharing personal information. They can be charmers and make it seem like you can trust them and they can help you, but make no mistake—they are out for number one.
The last tip is to run! These are not safe people to be around. If it’s possible, you want to remove yourself from the situation or relationship with a narcissist. It really isn’t a question of will they turn on you it’s a question of when. Keep actions brief, limit what you share, and hold your boundaries.
begin online counseling for
relationships
& divorce recovery
AROSE eTherapy is here to support you for when your confused about what to do, needing support, or ready for recovery. Reach out today for virtual therapy in Colorado, Florida, Maryland, & Pennsylvania.
