Bag Lady –Letting Go of Emotional Baggage and Pain
STARTING FRESH by letting go of the old
Personally, I love the new year and the promise of new beginnings and hopeful starts. After pushing through the last quarter of the previous year with a packed schedule only to come to a sugar-filled, screeching stop with the holidays, I’m left hungry in the new year for greens, movement, decluttering, and new projects. Today I’m taking inspiration from one of my favorite Erykah Badu songs. It seems fitting that with wanting to start fresh in the new year I’m drawn to a song about letting go of what holds us back. Ms. Badu sings about letting go of emotional baggage after a bad break up, but I’ll argue her lyrics could apply to letting go of any source of emotional upset: Covid stress, work stress, or torturous memories of past disappointments and stressors. Also, these points really could apply to any time of year; ; it’s always a good time to let go of what’s holding us back. Let’s take our advice from Ms. Badu who walks us through how to let go and move forward.
STEP 1: DECLUTTER YOUR EMOTIONAL BAGGAGE
Bag lady, you goin' miss your bus
You can't hurry up
'Cause you got too much stuff
It seems with each passing year in life there are opportunities for growth and change but also opportunities to accumulate memories of experiences we might wish to forget. Funny how this happens in life—the more time on earth, the more chances to experience heart aches, disappointments, frustrations, and pain. Some people are positive by nature and can readily let go of the negative experiences and focus their attention on the good. Others of us are just not wired that way. Beyond being negative, or glass half empty, by nature, those with depression tend to ruminate on all the negative experiences of the past as opposed to remaining focused in the here and now or looking to a bright future ahead. Regardless of which category you fall into, there are likely memories of the past that may weigh you down. A first step in letting go of these experiences is to identify those memories. Don’t just think about them—this likely won’t take you out of the ruminative loop. Instead, write them down. Keep a personal journal and begin by making a list of your painful memories; this can include times you were hurt, enraged, embarrassed, or feeling guilty or ashamed. Start with just a simple list covering the different topics or experiences. Then build on this list. Add a column or section beneath each item and write about the scenario, including how you felt at that time and now in looking back. Be sure to include the entire context—were you stressed, young and dumb, lacking awareness, or fully responsible. Perhaps re-write the ending to the story—how would you have handled things differently today? Consider what you need to do to forgive yourself or others to find peace.
Add a coping skill to your routine.
Curl up with a good book and a cup of chai; enjoy the moment to relax!
STEP 2: ADD A COPING SKILL
Ohh, when someone hurts you
Ohh, so bad inside
You can't deny it
You can't stop cryin'…
If you start breathin' babe…
You won't believe it babe…
You'll feel so much better
In the midst of a painful experience or in the aftermath, we can only benefit from healthy self-nurturing. The key word in this suggestion is “healthy.” Of course, there are many unhealthy coping skills that we as humans are drawn to such as avoiding feelings, staying excessively busy to avoid dealing with the problem, drinking excessively, using drugs, indulging in excessive amounts sweets and fats, binging on shows in front of the TV for hours on end, gaming all through the night, going on shopping sprees, and so on. These options usually feel great in the moment and thus ways we may choose to cope, but unfortunately they can have their own consequences especially when used excessively. Healthy coping skills allow us to nurture and heal ourselves in ways that are comforting without creating secondary problems.
What are your favorite healthy coping skills? Here are a few suggestions:
· Engage in deep breathing exercises
· Practice yoga
· Take a brisk walk around the neighborhood
· Visit a local museum
· Listen to relaxing music while sipping on tea
· Call an old friend
· Read an uplifting book or article
· Meditate
· Play a card game with family
· Create a gratitude list
· Pet your dog or cat
· Plan a weekend getaway
· Get a massage, facial, manicure, or pedicure
STEP 3: RECOGNIZE YOUR WORTH
All you must hold on to
Is you, is you, is you…
Betcha love can make it better
I believe Ms. Badu is suggesting love is the answer. This could mean finding a new love to follow a heartache. However, I don’t believe this suggestion only includes romantic love. Perhaps after a hurt or pain it’s a good idea to reflect upon all the people in your life who you love and who love you wholeheartedly in return. Sometimes when we are really struggling emotionally it can be hard to recognize there are people who love and support us. However, this list is likely larger than you think. Perhaps you can turn to family members from your immediate to extended family for support. Old friends and new friends are likely rooting for you. There may be neighbors who are always happy to say hello and check-in. Perhaps there are co-workers who provide support and friendship. External sources of support are wonderful, and I’d argue necessary given we are social beings as humans. However, the relationship you have with yourself may be most important. Do you appreciate and recognize all the wonderful gifts you have to offer yourself and others? You may have a great smile, humorous words, great problem-solving solutions, a friendly disposition, and interesting ideas and hobbies. Try spending a day all to yourself and get comfortable in your own presence. Honor and appreciate yourself and all your qualities, talents, and ways of being.
do the work and get the results
Take time in the new year (or at any point in the year you choose) to identify and process emotional hurts, nurture yourself for having completed this process, and bask in the good you have to offer the world. Repeat this as you need to. Our time here is limited—why spend it mired in hurts when you can work through the pain and find peace and happiness by taking time out to clear emotional clutter. If DIY-ing this process still doesn’t get the job done, consider reaching out to a therapist, religious or spiritual leader, or a 12-step program if that’s suitable. There is no need to suffer when solutions are available.
BENEFITS OF ONLINE COUNSELING
Online counseling saves you time and energy as you access mental health care from your home or office without having to take time out to commute to and from the appointment. Relax in the comfort of your own space as you devote one hour to self-care. Secure platforms are used to protect your privacy. Research shows online therapy and in-person sessions are equally effective. So why not choose the more convenient option? Save time, gas, and minimize stress so that a one-hour appointment takes only one hour and not 3 with traffic.
BEGIN COUNSELING WITH AN ONLINE THERAPIST IN COLORADO, FLORIDA, MARYLAND, AND PENNSYLVANIA
If you’re tired of feeling overwhelmed, stop wishing and take an action towards change today! AROSE eTherapy offers a Free 15-minute consult. If you would like to proceed to services after your consult, we’ll book you our next available initial appointment, and you’ll be on your way to healing!
AROSE eTherapy offers over 15 years’ experience in offering mental health services.
ABOUT the author
Alicia Rozycki, PhD
Dr. Rozycki is a licensed psychologist and the founder of AROSE eTherapy, an online therapy practice serving high achieving professional women and military affiliates including active duty, veterans, spouses, and government employees. Virtual sessions are available in Colorado, Florida, Maryland, and Pennsylvania. Learn more about Dr. Rozycki.
Badu, E., & Young, A. [Recorded by Erykah Badu.] On Mama’s Gun. United States: Motown Records.
